who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
