Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
