oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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