Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
