The beer is more important than you right now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
