The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
