sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
