1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
