I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize