Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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