Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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