Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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