I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
