Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
