I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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