I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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