We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
