Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
