First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
