I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
