guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
