toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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