The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
