We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just want nice things and good sex
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
