I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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