he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
pray to the hookup gods
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
