JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
