so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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