Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
