This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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