guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
