ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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