Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize