I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
