if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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