I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
