you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
