I wish you could order shots online.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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