Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
