let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
