u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
