he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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