So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize