No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
