ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
