So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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