They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
