No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
