I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think your dad took our porno
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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