yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
