is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
