I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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