She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
