How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
