He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
