Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
