she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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