I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
