Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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