you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
