Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
