Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
