forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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