Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
