I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize