I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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