Your dad touched me again.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
