you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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