whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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