We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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