If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
