sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
