My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
we're so committed to being not committed
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
