This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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