i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
