my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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