Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
