By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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