he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
