Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize