I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize