hotel room ftw
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
