apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
