dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
