So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
