Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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