Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
