It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
