Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How does one acquire holy water?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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