i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize