I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
