that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
