I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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