Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
