party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
