There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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