Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
