I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
