I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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