Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize