Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just forgot I was standing up.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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