I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
