Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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