no, he came in my armpit
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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