He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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