She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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