batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I need moral support for this bender
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
