I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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