we have officially lost it.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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